By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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