It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
