So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
