Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize