Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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