We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
