you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
