I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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