You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize