Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
