Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
