so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he fucked my hip out of place.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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