That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
