She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm just crazy horny about you
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize