Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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