I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
How naked do you want me to be?
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