Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I am naked and annoyed.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
