I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
