pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
there is glitter all over my balls
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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