May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
