its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
