I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize