2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
