consequently i now know what mace tastes like
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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