You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
