Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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