I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize