I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You are a booty call, not a friend.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
