Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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