We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he fucked my hip out of place.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
