I bet he comes in French.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I have tasted many bathrooms
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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