lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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