imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
