also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
