Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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