I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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