what day is it and did you see me today?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
