no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We are two peas in an std pod
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
