Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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