If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
