Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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