Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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