I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
