You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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