Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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