just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
