me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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