clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
