Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
