I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
