I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize