why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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