she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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