i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
