Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
