Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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