She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Did I show you my penis last night?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
