I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
