Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
