Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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