We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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