Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
