the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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