I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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